Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
