therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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