someone threw a dead crab at me
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
