Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
