Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
