I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
