garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
