Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
