You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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