Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i love accidental penises.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
