I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
