I just saw a hot homeless man
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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