i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
