how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
