so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
