my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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