just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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