Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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