I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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