I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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