Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
