Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
