so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
