shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
