if you like me you must not know who I am
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
