Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
North Korea, Best Korea!
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
