were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
