i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
