Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
