Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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