He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
