i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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