as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
