i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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