I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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