Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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