P.S. I can't hear my feet
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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