And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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