She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
