Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
and she was petting her beer can
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
