Tell her she can't have a vagina
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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