Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
