How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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