was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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