Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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