He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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