i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
