I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Lo siento on account of my penis...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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