we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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