Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
