I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I can't put those talents on a resume
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
