3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
