If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
