My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
