He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
