Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
