You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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