the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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